One of Kevin's best friends has Lupus and it's been increasingly worsening. So much so that he has kidney failure in one kidney and the other is well on its way. He is looking at dialysis now and a transplant in the very near future.
The subject of donating a kidney came up between Kevin and I, like it would when it's one of your people. This is a guy who would NEVER hint, ask or expect anyone to offer. It was just a default setting for me - or anyone, hopefully - to consider. We both have a spare, if you will.
I am not a What If person, sometimes to my own detriment. But I have found myself What If'ing in this instance. It's kind of a big deal, giving up internal organs. Even spare ones.
So then that wandered over into Who Would You Give a Kidney territory. Like some sort of a family and friend hierarchy or football pool.
I mean, it's not black and white for me. For instance, Kevin's parents would be a no because they're in failing health and have had long lives. Some members of my family would be a no because of their lifestyles. Nephew, even, would be a risk because of his Crohn's disease that will unfortunately take him from this earth earlier than a regular life expectancy.
Then a person could rank by age, so Sweet Baby obviously. Then work our way up the ladder of the nine grand nephews and nieces and then the four grown ones. Feels a little like playing favorites and if we're being honest, that's probably a thing to be considered as well.
And there IS the expression "I would give them a kidney" (or is that just me? could be just me.) I can think of a few friends that I would do that but the list is small and specific.
I mean, I don't believe I could idly stand by and watch someone die from lack of something I could give. I also believe that a person doesn't really know what they would do until put into that situation.
So, we wait and see. Right now his wife is offering but she had breast cancer years ago so they are cautious. He has siblings also so it's not like he's going to have to surf the dark web for a kidney. It just brought up an interesting moral discussion.
This hesitation, if you will, applies to when I'm alive. After I'm gone, have at it. Consider me a wrecking yard. Take all the spare parts you need.
27 September 2019
24 September 2019
Sink Volcano
Wanna talk about clogged sinks? Why wouldn't you?
If you're like me and you have, you know, Hair, then you've probably encountered clogged sinks.
Here is what we've figured out about that.
Kevin put in some sort of thing under the sink so that the entire sink doesn't have to be disassembled when cleaning the drain. It's easy enough that I can do it except he tightens it so tight that I can't. Yes, I do think he does it on purpose. This task is categorized as Man Work. It's fine, it's not like I look forward to it.
So, instead, I got my nerd on. Did some research about how to organically do this task. We're on a septic system so this is important to me. And I just don't like using chemicals.
To keep drains CLEAN you can make a sink volcano. Yep, a volcano. Did you ever make one in grade school?
1/2 cup baking soda and 1/2 cup vinegar down the drain. More if needed or you're just entertained easily like me.
Close the drain.
In about an hour, uncap and listen for fizzing. If still fizzing then let it sit a bit more. (unlikely but I'm not known for patience or proper measuring)
Pour one gallon boiling water down the drain. (use a stock pot. Yes, I know what a stock pot is)
This helps keep it from getting clogged. Although I did notice a web page state that the science doesn't play. What I say to that is PSSSH and that it has worked for us in the past.
And it's fun. SINK VOLCANO
But I will say that with everything going on, we did get a slow draining sink that eventually turned into a clog.
It was a time investment but it is totally worth not calling a plumber. It's very similar to the sink volcano.
Fill Stock pot full of water
Add Dawn dish soap (I don't have the amount...it doesn't take much)
Bring to a boil
Pour directly down the drain
Repeat not only until the drain clears but AFTERWARD too.
It took about six trips from the stove to the master bathroom but it worked. I amazingly did not spill ONCE. It was also an upper body workout so that's two wins in one task.
We live in a single level house but the interwebs suggested to make sure to do all the sinks if you have more than one level to prevent just rinsing the clog down to another area.
Now you know: Sink Volcano!
If you're like me and you have, you know, Hair, then you've probably encountered clogged sinks.
Here is what we've figured out about that.
Kevin put in some sort of thing under the sink so that the entire sink doesn't have to be disassembled when cleaning the drain. It's easy enough that I can do it except he tightens it so tight that I can't. Yes, I do think he does it on purpose. This task is categorized as Man Work. It's fine, it's not like I look forward to it.
So, instead, I got my nerd on. Did some research about how to organically do this task. We're on a septic system so this is important to me. And I just don't like using chemicals.
To keep drains CLEAN you can make a sink volcano. Yep, a volcano. Did you ever make one in grade school?
1/2 cup baking soda and 1/2 cup vinegar down the drain. More if needed or you're just entertained easily like me.
Close the drain.
In about an hour, uncap and listen for fizzing. If still fizzing then let it sit a bit more. (unlikely but I'm not known for patience or proper measuring)
Pour one gallon boiling water down the drain. (use a stock pot. Yes, I know what a stock pot is)
This helps keep it from getting clogged. Although I did notice a web page state that the science doesn't play. What I say to that is PSSSH and that it has worked for us in the past.
And it's fun. SINK VOLCANO
But I will say that with everything going on, we did get a slow draining sink that eventually turned into a clog.
It was a time investment but it is totally worth not calling a plumber. It's very similar to the sink volcano.
Fill Stock pot full of water
Add Dawn dish soap (I don't have the amount...it doesn't take much)
Bring to a boil
Pour directly down the drain
Repeat not only until the drain clears but AFTERWARD too.
It took about six trips from the stove to the master bathroom but it worked. I amazingly did not spill ONCE. It was also an upper body workout so that's two wins in one task.
We live in a single level house but the interwebs suggested to make sure to do all the sinks if you have more than one level to prevent just rinsing the clog down to another area.
Now you know: Sink Volcano!
23 September 2019
Into the Golden Hour
"A change is in the air, a great mellowing is at work. It's in the wind, in the earth, inside each and every once of us. And somewhere, not far off, in the distance, woodsmoke is seasoning the evening sky.
Each year autumn arrives all bluster, and like an old friend, invites us to come outside and enjoy a few more days of color and light. In the fall, we watch the sky. We listen for rain. We stop to watch the trees and their painted leaves. We pack away our beach chairs and unpack our woolen socks. We settle into our long pants and our sturdy boots and our trusty old raincoats. We return to books half-read and sweaters half-knitted and favorite old recipes written in our mother's hand. This time of year, we remember our love of pumpkins and pecans; we pick barrels of apples and bake with buckets of cinnamon.
Each year, autumn reminds us to return to the routines that anchor our lives in time. We feel nostalgia deeply and embrace ritual fiercely. We go home again. We relive glory days. We gather together in September stadiums, around October bonfires, and at long November tables. And in the shadow of the dimming natural world, we tell and retell tales.
In this way, every autumn is another turned page, another chapter completed, a bit more perspective on the full story of our lives: the rising and the falling, the discovery and the loss, the sacrifice and surprise. And isn't this the story of all life, the ends that follow beginnings and then make room for new beginnings? Without this rhythm, this eternal cycle, how could we ever be whole?
So, let's harvest all the light and life and goodness that we can. Here and now, during the sweet golden hour of the year."
Words by Austin Salisbury
Each year autumn arrives all bluster, and like an old friend, invites us to come outside and enjoy a few more days of color and light. In the fall, we watch the sky. We listen for rain. We stop to watch the trees and their painted leaves. We pack away our beach chairs and unpack our woolen socks. We settle into our long pants and our sturdy boots and our trusty old raincoats. We return to books half-read and sweaters half-knitted and favorite old recipes written in our mother's hand. This time of year, we remember our love of pumpkins and pecans; we pick barrels of apples and bake with buckets of cinnamon.
Each year, autumn reminds us to return to the routines that anchor our lives in time. We feel nostalgia deeply and embrace ritual fiercely. We go home again. We relive glory days. We gather together in September stadiums, around October bonfires, and at long November tables. And in the shadow of the dimming natural world, we tell and retell tales.
In this way, every autumn is another turned page, another chapter completed, a bit more perspective on the full story of our lives: the rising and the falling, the discovery and the loss, the sacrifice and surprise. And isn't this the story of all life, the ends that follow beginnings and then make room for new beginnings? Without this rhythm, this eternal cycle, how could we ever be whole?
So, let's harvest all the light and life and goodness that we can. Here and now, during the sweet golden hour of the year."
Words by Austin Salisbury
22 September 2019
It's A Baby Step
One of my top ten favorite things the other day included Greta Thunberg. If you've watched any sort of news lately, you're aware that she is a teen who is heading up the charge and protest for the climate crisis. Her speeches are stunning.
I mentioned to my bff the other day that I've been trying to lessen our plastic use. I already use resusable grocery bags and if I can't then I request paper and recycle those. It is becoming more widespread that the plastic bags are being banned, especially here in the beautiful PNW.
A person would think that we are being asked to shave our heads the way people react against this change. It's mind boggling to me. It's a simple change that if my ADD addled brain can remember to bring bags into the store than anyone can.
Which then brings the straw topic. Another thing that people are flipping out about and I'm all...Why? it's a STRAW, not your human rights being violated. The sippy cups offered at Starbucks are actually kind of cool. And to answer the meme that "The whole cup is plastic" It is missing the point that it's also recyclable.
The hyperbole that it doesn't Help, Why Bother, this whole thing is fake/overblown/stupid, makes me want to scream. It is a STEP, it is a small change that really doesn't negatively impact most people's lives. It's a step that local/state governments have taken because We the People can't figure our shit out. Babies don't just stand up and run. They take small steps until they get it figured out. Take the small step.
The mocking that I witnessed online of the students protesting yesterday was just WHATEVER. I mean, really, is your life that small that you mock kids trying to protect their future? Their lives? Those little JERKS, wanting to be able to breathe in twenty years. The NERVE.
And the demeaning of their intelligence and attitudes: "They just want to skip school." Umm, no, they want a livable planet in their adulthood and it's up to them to make it happen. Because we adults can't or don't. Also, kids these days are really so much smarter AND emotionally intelligent than we are. I don't accept that label at all.
Sigh. I just am tired of the world being on fire and feeling helpless. Back to the original topic: plastic reduction.
I recycle plastic bags, if I get stuck with them. Handy tip: food banks often will take them and other types of bag. (paper, reusable)
I've reduced the amount of plastic sandwich bags I use for Kevin's lunch.
I try to use containers instead of ziplock bags. this is more challenging than I thought. I didn't realize how much I use those bags.
One of the more difficult ones is not buying items that are in massive packaging, most of which is not recyclable. I've noticed in stores things like kitchenware or bedding that no longer come packaged.
To-go containers are a challenge also. I'm always surprised when I see styrofoam. Who uses styrofoam anymore? Taco Time uses compostable cups, utensils, etc. There is another restaurant this does as well that I'm blanking on, unfortunately. I read that McDonald's has set a long-term goal to convert to these items too. It's encouraging.
I reuse straws if I can. Need one? I have so many. Most of them will withstand the dishwasher a few times. Otherwise we just decline them. We don't need them, they've just become a habit. There are reusable straws but I haven't gone that far just yet.
I don't buy plastic plates, etc. I use paper and real utensils. I try to use a rag or towel instead of paper towels. The one fail that I have is paper napkins. I just can't with the cloth ones. I bought water bottles and don't buy bottled water anymore. There was a meme the other day that says "*COMPANY* doesn't sell water, they sell plastic bottles with water in them" Funny how a simple meme can suddenly make an idea clear.
I recycle what I can. We don't pay for recycling so I take it myself every few weeks for free. It's surprisingly clean and easy. And a little cathartic: I love breaking the glass items. My workplace is not diligent with recycling (I sure miss working in a green county/city) and I'm trying to affect change there in whatever way I can. This means yes, I will fish something out of the garbage or find recycling bins and place them strategically.
This post isn't to say Oh Look How Cool I Am but to encourage and provide examples of where little baby steps can be taken that will have a bigger impact later.
And to say Stop Mocking Kids. They're just trying to stay alive.
I mentioned to my bff the other day that I've been trying to lessen our plastic use. I already use resusable grocery bags and if I can't then I request paper and recycle those. It is becoming more widespread that the plastic bags are being banned, especially here in the beautiful PNW.
A person would think that we are being asked to shave our heads the way people react against this change. It's mind boggling to me. It's a simple change that if my ADD addled brain can remember to bring bags into the store than anyone can.
Which then brings the straw topic. Another thing that people are flipping out about and I'm all...Why? it's a STRAW, not your human rights being violated. The sippy cups offered at Starbucks are actually kind of cool. And to answer the meme that "The whole cup is plastic" It is missing the point that it's also recyclable.
The hyperbole that it doesn't Help, Why Bother, this whole thing is fake/overblown/stupid, makes me want to scream. It is a STEP, it is a small change that really doesn't negatively impact most people's lives. It's a step that local/state governments have taken because We the People can't figure our shit out. Babies don't just stand up and run. They take small steps until they get it figured out. Take the small step.
The mocking that I witnessed online of the students protesting yesterday was just WHATEVER. I mean, really, is your life that small that you mock kids trying to protect their future? Their lives? Those little JERKS, wanting to be able to breathe in twenty years. The NERVE.
And the demeaning of their intelligence and attitudes: "They just want to skip school." Umm, no, they want a livable planet in their adulthood and it's up to them to make it happen. Because we adults can't or don't. Also, kids these days are really so much smarter AND emotionally intelligent than we are. I don't accept that label at all.
Sigh. I just am tired of the world being on fire and feeling helpless. Back to the original topic: plastic reduction.
I recycle plastic bags, if I get stuck with them. Handy tip: food banks often will take them and other types of bag. (paper, reusable)
I've reduced the amount of plastic sandwich bags I use for Kevin's lunch.
I try to use containers instead of ziplock bags. this is more challenging than I thought. I didn't realize how much I use those bags.
One of the more difficult ones is not buying items that are in massive packaging, most of which is not recyclable. I've noticed in stores things like kitchenware or bedding that no longer come packaged.
To-go containers are a challenge also. I'm always surprised when I see styrofoam. Who uses styrofoam anymore? Taco Time uses compostable cups, utensils, etc. There is another restaurant this does as well that I'm blanking on, unfortunately. I read that McDonald's has set a long-term goal to convert to these items too. It's encouraging.
I reuse straws if I can. Need one? I have so many. Most of them will withstand the dishwasher a few times. Otherwise we just decline them. We don't need them, they've just become a habit. There are reusable straws but I haven't gone that far just yet.
I don't buy plastic plates, etc. I use paper and real utensils. I try to use a rag or towel instead of paper towels. The one fail that I have is paper napkins. I just can't with the cloth ones. I bought water bottles and don't buy bottled water anymore. There was a meme the other day that says "*COMPANY* doesn't sell water, they sell plastic bottles with water in them" Funny how a simple meme can suddenly make an idea clear.
I recycle what I can. We don't pay for recycling so I take it myself every few weeks for free. It's surprisingly clean and easy. And a little cathartic: I love breaking the glass items. My workplace is not diligent with recycling (I sure miss working in a green county/city) and I'm trying to affect change there in whatever way I can. This means yes, I will fish something out of the garbage or find recycling bins and place them strategically.
This post isn't to say Oh Look How Cool I Am but to encourage and provide examples of where little baby steps can be taken that will have a bigger impact later.
And to say Stop Mocking Kids. They're just trying to stay alive.
20 September 2019
Whack-a-Mole: Parental Version
So, yeah. It's been A Thing here in the family for the past two weeks. Thus the I NEED HAPPY post the other day.
Let's recap with my mother-in-law firstly:
When Kevin and I were first dating one hundred years ago, she received a diagnosis of Peripheral Arterial Disease, which means essentially that her vascular system is clogged/clogging. At the time, they gave her not a long life expectancy because of the advanced stage. (and it was the early 1990's) She's had a bunch of surgeries and medicines but there's just not much to be done now. Gravity and saturation is the only thing that is getting blood flow to her legs and feet.
Because of this and genetics, she has vascular dementia.
And she's had a stroke and a handful of TIA's.
Then there's the COPD.
Now add the dysphagia, which has caused her to no longer be able to adequately/safely drink water. She can get some food down but not really.
THEN there was the heart attack scare. We've known for years that she has had heart issues. She has had arrythmia and has had to be shocked, etc. Months ago she had an episode and the cardiologist called the family to gather because it was probably The Big One.
Yeah, no. They did a test...the word escapes me now...and they discovered that her heart was perfect. They actually used the word "pristine". Good news? Well, kind of. We were told that if anything would take her out, it would most likely be a heart attack which would be the kindest way to go. And now that's, like, off the table?
But she does have Broken Heart Syndrome, which is a real thing. Because: of course.
To sound cold-hearted, (excuse the unintended pun) we have been prepared for her to pass over the last few decades. LITERALLY decades. Every six months it's a different diagnosis, a different health scare, hospitalizations, etc. It has become relentless. I timed it this year: every 4-6 weeks she is in the hospital. We don't even tell people anymore and sometimes we don't even visit. It's been A LOT.
And still she rallies.
NOW, she has a GI tube for feeding because she is consistently dehydrated and malnourished due to all.the.things.
She is not rallying.
What's frustrating on a long list of frustrating items, is that the parents are CONVINCED that the GI tube was 1) temporary and b) a FIX. It is neither. It is a means to an end.
Kevin wanted to talk with them about that and I was on Team Let Them Have The Delusion. I mean, really, at this point, what good can come of trying to get them to understand?
Now wait, there's more. Remember that his dad had a stroke about a year ago. He went from a robust, never-would-guess-was-80 years old, man to a shuffling old man in a matter of months. His speech can be garbled, his demeanor has changed and not for the better. He has had mini-strokes since then with lapses in memory, judgement, and cognitive skills.
Yeah.
We've talked frequently about how they won't accept help and get pissy about it. They told the Niece that they didn't need her to come help. The GI doctor sent a nurse to train them how to do the tube feedings and they didn't want our help.
But Kevin and I were there during the training anyway. I took notes then typed out super simple and clear instructions so there was zero margin for error. It felt like it went smoothly. Ha! Rookie move on my part.
He SKIPPED feedings. He skipped lunch twice because it was INCONVENIENT. They were in town and couldn't fit it in the schedule. (which also means he didn't eat, we're assuming)
Oh for f*#$ sake.
Then he lost his sh*t on both sons when they said that he absolutely could NOT do that.
So, this is going well.
Kevin phoned the doctor for clarification, who was rightfully horrified, and the doctor said "Yes, they really need someone to attend the appointments with them."
Warning shot across the bow. That's our heads up that they really no longer got this.
Now we have to figure out, with Great Resistance, who is going to attend these appointments. And there are approximately one million of them. There are four of us adult children so that should be doable. Oh wait, the "other two" have to WORK and can't POSSIBLY. *kicking bunnies*
This is why families fall apart. This shit is difficult at best and brings out the worst and best in people. Kevin is exhausted all the time because he's spinning all the plates. I honestly do know what the actual eff his brother is doing. I can only do so much to help before I'm spun out and frustrated. All in all though, it is really solely up to them in the end. (another unfortunate pun)
It's Whack-a-Mole. If it's not one disease with her, it's another. If it's not her, it's him. If it's not a crisis, then it's something else. Their water heater, facebook is broken (I will tell that story soon), the van overheated, the house is a mess.
Raising parents, man. Take note.
Let's recap with my mother-in-law firstly:
When Kevin and I were first dating one hundred years ago, she received a diagnosis of Peripheral Arterial Disease, which means essentially that her vascular system is clogged/clogging. At the time, they gave her not a long life expectancy because of the advanced stage. (and it was the early 1990's) She's had a bunch of surgeries and medicines but there's just not much to be done now. Gravity and saturation is the only thing that is getting blood flow to her legs and feet.
Because of this and genetics, she has vascular dementia.
And she's had a stroke and a handful of TIA's.
Then there's the COPD.
Now add the dysphagia, which has caused her to no longer be able to adequately/safely drink water. She can get some food down but not really.
THEN there was the heart attack scare. We've known for years that she has had heart issues. She has had arrythmia and has had to be shocked, etc. Months ago she had an episode and the cardiologist called the family to gather because it was probably The Big One.
Yeah, no. They did a test...the word escapes me now...and they discovered that her heart was perfect. They actually used the word "pristine". Good news? Well, kind of. We were told that if anything would take her out, it would most likely be a heart attack which would be the kindest way to go. And now that's, like, off the table?
But she does have Broken Heart Syndrome, which is a real thing. Because: of course.
To sound cold-hearted, (excuse the unintended pun) we have been prepared for her to pass over the last few decades. LITERALLY decades. Every six months it's a different diagnosis, a different health scare, hospitalizations, etc. It has become relentless. I timed it this year: every 4-6 weeks she is in the hospital. We don't even tell people anymore and sometimes we don't even visit. It's been A LOT.
And still she rallies.
NOW, she has a GI tube for feeding because she is consistently dehydrated and malnourished due to all.the.things.
She is not rallying.
What's frustrating on a long list of frustrating items, is that the parents are CONVINCED that the GI tube was 1) temporary and b) a FIX. It is neither. It is a means to an end.
Kevin wanted to talk with them about that and I was on Team Let Them Have The Delusion. I mean, really, at this point, what good can come of trying to get them to understand?
Now wait, there's more. Remember that his dad had a stroke about a year ago. He went from a robust, never-would-guess-was-80 years old, man to a shuffling old man in a matter of months. His speech can be garbled, his demeanor has changed and not for the better. He has had mini-strokes since then with lapses in memory, judgement, and cognitive skills.
Yeah.
We've talked frequently about how they won't accept help and get pissy about it. They told the Niece that they didn't need her to come help. The GI doctor sent a nurse to train them how to do the tube feedings and they didn't want our help.
But Kevin and I were there during the training anyway. I took notes then typed out super simple and clear instructions so there was zero margin for error. It felt like it went smoothly. Ha! Rookie move on my part.
He SKIPPED feedings. He skipped lunch twice because it was INCONVENIENT. They were in town and couldn't fit it in the schedule. (which also means he didn't eat, we're assuming)
Oh for f*#$ sake.
Then he lost his sh*t on both sons when they said that he absolutely could NOT do that.
So, this is going well.
Kevin phoned the doctor for clarification, who was rightfully horrified, and the doctor said "Yes, they really need someone to attend the appointments with them."
Warning shot across the bow. That's our heads up that they really no longer got this.
Now we have to figure out, with Great Resistance, who is going to attend these appointments. And there are approximately one million of them. There are four of us adult children so that should be doable. Oh wait, the "other two" have to WORK and can't POSSIBLY. *kicking bunnies*
This is why families fall apart. This shit is difficult at best and brings out the worst and best in people. Kevin is exhausted all the time because he's spinning all the plates. I honestly do know what the actual eff his brother is doing. I can only do so much to help before I'm spun out and frustrated. All in all though, it is really solely up to them in the end. (another unfortunate pun)
It's Whack-a-Mole. If it's not one disease with her, it's another. If it's not her, it's him. If it's not a crisis, then it's something else. Their water heater, facebook is broken (I will tell that story soon), the van overheated, the house is a mess.
Raising parents, man. Take note.
18 September 2019
Ten! Ten Ah Ah Ah
Because I need some dogdamned happy up in here, I am going to share Ten (TEN!! TEN!!) things that make me happy right now.
1. New office is EVERYTHING. I'm just close enough to everyone that I don't feel isolated nor want to throw office supplies. Being able to listen to music without earbuds is MAGIC.
2. I have this anticipatory feeling every year at this time and it's silly. I love when the Fall New Television Season starts. I used to pour over the (Age Alert!) TV Guide every September in anticipation.
3. I'm enjoying a new-ish friendship and it's one of those situations where a person realizes "Oh, I didn't realize I needed this."
4. This guy:
5. The 80's channel on SIRIUS/XM
6. That I'm lucky enough to have good insurance that pays for most of the Bronchitis adventure and completely for the inhaler that is now my best buddy
7. Greta Thunberg. What an amazing kid. She gives me hope for the future.
8. I've wanted one of these for about a year. Finally I bought one for me and Kevin. It's just one of those little things that make a person happy.
9. Halloween Candy. Really no need for elaboration there.
10. That I know how to make two new things: mexican casserole and chicken parmigiana.
What's your favorite ten things Right Now? Spread some happy. It feels like we all need a little happy.
((the title is from Sesame Street and The Count, who was one of my favorites that I quote way too often for a grown person AND a reference to Grosse Point Blank)
1. New office is EVERYTHING. I'm just close enough to everyone that I don't feel isolated nor want to throw office supplies. Being able to listen to music without earbuds is MAGIC.
2. I have this anticipatory feeling every year at this time and it's silly. I love when the Fall New Television Season starts. I used to pour over the (Age Alert!) TV Guide every September in anticipation.
3. I'm enjoying a new-ish friendship and it's one of those situations where a person realizes "Oh, I didn't realize I needed this."
4. This guy:
 |
| We walked to the mailbox and he ran ahead. He's chattering and singing |
5. The 80's channel on SIRIUS/XM
6. That I'm lucky enough to have good insurance that pays for most of the Bronchitis adventure and completely for the inhaler that is now my best buddy
7. Greta Thunberg. What an amazing kid. She gives me hope for the future.
8. I've wanted one of these for about a year. Finally I bought one for me and Kevin. It's just one of those little things that make a person happy.
 |
| Actually, I meant the tell your dog i said hi decal but I love the Tardis too (And that Kevin put them next to each other) |
9. Halloween Candy. Really no need for elaboration there.
10. That I know how to make two new things: mexican casserole and chicken parmigiana.
What's your favorite ten things Right Now? Spread some happy. It feels like we all need a little happy.
((the title is from Sesame Street and The Count, who was one of my favorites that I quote way too often for a grown person AND a reference to Grosse Point Blank)
16 September 2019
A Series of Gears and Pulleys
We've talked about this before but it's come up again recently. My 50th Year seems to be the Year of Big Events and Big Conversations.
I don't pray much. This year, if anything, would be the year that I would do it though.
Mostly I say thank you for the big things. I will sometimes ask for guidance, but it's more of a help me make good decisions request. It's more of a self-check than a prayer. It's more of a putting it out there for the universe to decide. It's a letting go of control; a I Don't Have Any Effing Control, Do What You're Gonna Do.
I don't bargain, I don't ask why. I don't ask for stuff. I don't think that is what prayer is for. It's more of a conversation, albeit a one-sided conversation. I don't think it has to happen in any sort of a house, or on any sort of a schedule or day. For me, it has to be organic.
A friend who was once a pastor explained that it's the act, the pause to reflect that is important. Not the place, not the time or the method. It's the intent and the act.
To sound all crystals and chanting, I tend to send out vibes to people instead of a prayer into the ether. Like on days when I know people are struggling, excited, or perhaps just need that little extra bit of power.
Send strength or healing or whatever is needed to the person or into the universe. Instead of ceding that power to Someone/Something Else. Cut out the middle-man, if you will. (woo boy, that's some blasphemy right there. Step to the side to avoid the incoming lightning)
It's kind of silly, that kind of act, you might think. They have no idea that it is happening. But what if they did? What if it does have an effect? What if, for one moment, they do feel peace? What if there is that sudden Twenty Seconds of Insane Courage? (one of my all-time favorite movie scenes) It cost nothing for me to do it. Maybe it does help. The maybe seems worth it to me.
Meanwhile, I am not immune to doubt, fear, or frustration. I do wonder why certain things have happened. What lesson was to be had. Or the want to know if it is just an opportunity for grace or redemption? Or a test, an opportunity to learn? Or is it a step to something else?
I hate the word "journey" in this context. (Maybe it's too much watching of the bachelorette.)
But I do kind of look at life from a perspective of We have a job to do, an objective to achieve, which sounds kind of badass really. Like something occurs, a reconciliation, a child being born, a milestone passes, a goal achieved. Then that soul is released because everything is aligned as it should be.
When people pass, you often hear "Their work here was done." I usually will think something along those lines. As a child - well, as an adult too - I was a very imaginative processer/thinker. I would visualize this process like a series of gears and pulleys. A complicated Rube Goldberg Machine. Their job was done and now they're off to the next thing.
I tend not to think of it as God's Will. I want to swing when I hear folks say things like God needed them home or it was God's will. It's a cop-out, it's a metaphorical shrug. Just admit that we don't know and that we have no control.
This work-here-is-done theory is difficult to apply that when a child or a young person dies or someone we love gets a diagnosis. When I've experienced that, trust me, I've been angry at God and the Universe. Like stood in the driveway, looked up and yelled "SERIOUSLY!?!" angry. Their work can't possibly be done. But we're back to the We Don't Get to Know and We Have No control.
But we can still be pissed. Any sort of belief system that doesn't allow for anger or frustration is certainly not for me.
And if I've learned anything in these complicated fifty years, it's that "This too shall pass". It's that sometimes we get to see the big picture, get the reconciliation, achieve the goal, complete the circle.
And that is so worth the "SERIOUSLY!" times. It eclipses those, renders them small. The machine completes it's task and we get to move on, in whatever way that manifests. Here or elsewhere.
I don't pray much. This year, if anything, would be the year that I would do it though.
Mostly I say thank you for the big things. I will sometimes ask for guidance, but it's more of a help me make good decisions request. It's more of a self-check than a prayer. It's more of a putting it out there for the universe to decide. It's a letting go of control; a I Don't Have Any Effing Control, Do What You're Gonna Do.
I don't bargain, I don't ask why. I don't ask for stuff. I don't think that is what prayer is for. It's more of a conversation, albeit a one-sided conversation. I don't think it has to happen in any sort of a house, or on any sort of a schedule or day. For me, it has to be organic.
A friend who was once a pastor explained that it's the act, the pause to reflect that is important. Not the place, not the time or the method. It's the intent and the act.
To sound all crystals and chanting, I tend to send out vibes to people instead of a prayer into the ether. Like on days when I know people are struggling, excited, or perhaps just need that little extra bit of power.
Send strength or healing or whatever is needed to the person or into the universe. Instead of ceding that power to Someone/Something Else. Cut out the middle-man, if you will. (woo boy, that's some blasphemy right there. Step to the side to avoid the incoming lightning)
It's kind of silly, that kind of act, you might think. They have no idea that it is happening. But what if they did? What if it does have an effect? What if, for one moment, they do feel peace? What if there is that sudden Twenty Seconds of Insane Courage? (one of my all-time favorite movie scenes) It cost nothing for me to do it. Maybe it does help. The maybe seems worth it to me.
Meanwhile, I am not immune to doubt, fear, or frustration. I do wonder why certain things have happened. What lesson was to be had. Or the want to know if it is just an opportunity for grace or redemption? Or a test, an opportunity to learn? Or is it a step to something else?
I hate the word "journey" in this context. (Maybe it's too much watching of the bachelorette.)
But I do kind of look at life from a perspective of We have a job to do, an objective to achieve, which sounds kind of badass really. Like something occurs, a reconciliation, a child being born, a milestone passes, a goal achieved. Then that soul is released because everything is aligned as it should be.
When people pass, you often hear "Their work here was done." I usually will think something along those lines. As a child - well, as an adult too - I was a very imaginative processer/thinker. I would visualize this process like a series of gears and pulleys. A complicated Rube Goldberg Machine. Their job was done and now they're off to the next thing.
I tend not to think of it as God's Will. I want to swing when I hear folks say things like God needed them home or it was God's will. It's a cop-out, it's a metaphorical shrug. Just admit that we don't know and that we have no control.
This work-here-is-done theory is difficult to apply that when a child or a young person dies or someone we love gets a diagnosis. When I've experienced that, trust me, I've been angry at God and the Universe. Like stood in the driveway, looked up and yelled "SERIOUSLY!?!" angry. Their work can't possibly be done. But we're back to the We Don't Get to Know and We Have No control.
But we can still be pissed. Any sort of belief system that doesn't allow for anger or frustration is certainly not for me.
And if I've learned anything in these complicated fifty years, it's that "This too shall pass". It's that sometimes we get to see the big picture, get the reconciliation, achieve the goal, complete the circle.
And that is so worth the "SERIOUSLY!" times. It eclipses those, renders them small. The machine completes it's task and we get to move on, in whatever way that manifests. Here or elsewhere.
14 September 2019
Wisdom Dropping Everywhere
Sweet Baby visited today and we got to spend some one-on-one time together, which never happens. In a family this size, there's just always someone around.
But he's staying the night at his grandparents and his papa (the Brother) was talking with Kevin. I think he just assumed I'd hang out with James, actually. Anyway.
We walked to the mailbox, which is quarter-mile long round trip. He chatted away the whole time and I got about half of it. He has a speech delay that is being treated with the "Wait until he grows more" approach, which is making me squint. So I employ all the speech therapy tricks I know until he catches onto me and gets annoyed. He's smarter than me, I fear.
Uncle is still here and Baby wanted to go pet his dogs that were in the motorhome. I explained that we couldn't go in the motorhome. He said he wanted to pet the dogs. I explained that we couldn't because they're old dogs and grumpy and bitey. We had to leave them alone. He relented and rode his push bike around.
Then he tried again a few minutes later and I repeated that we couldn't because the doggies were grouchy and bitey. He just looks at me with big blue eyes and sincerely and innocently says "Don't Worry."
And there's my heart, a puddle on the ground. "Don't worry" he says.
Learning lessons this week from the oldest to the youngest members of this crazy family.
But he's staying the night at his grandparents and his papa (the Brother) was talking with Kevin. I think he just assumed I'd hang out with James, actually. Anyway.
We walked to the mailbox, which is quarter-mile long round trip. He chatted away the whole time and I got about half of it. He has a speech delay that is being treated with the "Wait until he grows more" approach, which is making me squint. So I employ all the speech therapy tricks I know until he catches onto me and gets annoyed. He's smarter than me, I fear.
Uncle is still here and Baby wanted to go pet his dogs that were in the motorhome. I explained that we couldn't go in the motorhome. He said he wanted to pet the dogs. I explained that we couldn't because they're old dogs and grumpy and bitey. We had to leave them alone. He relented and rode his push bike around.
Then he tried again a few minutes later and I repeated that we couldn't because the doggies were grouchy and bitey. He just looks at me with big blue eyes and sincerely and innocently says "Don't Worry."
And there's my heart, a puddle on the ground. "Don't worry" he says.
Learning lessons this week from the oldest to the youngest members of this crazy family.
13 September 2019
Geriatric Hit It and Quit It
We went to dinner with Uncle last night. He's 84 years old and I think he could still kick our ass if need be. His wife passed away almost two years ago and he's been grieving hard since.
Apparently his doctor talked to him about his grief/depression and suggested that he "get out there." So one of his sons set him up on the facebook and, unbeknownst to us until last night, also made a dating profile for him.
He's gotten messages from multiple women, they even send him photos and he has responded. He said he'll travel a bit to meet someone but of course, would like someone near his home. He only implied it because there were women at the table but it appears that he still has IT and still wants to use IT. (if it has to be in my brain, it has to be in yours. lol) I don't think he's looking for long-term, just for companionship.
He's looking for someone 55 - 65 years old. When we were incredulous at that, he laughed and said "Well, I don't mind getting hurt. I don't want to DIE." I laughed at first and then realized that's actually kind of a great way to look at it.
So to go along with the deal with your shit quest, we have added a...I'm not sure how to phrase it...A live at all costs mindset. Doesn't matter your age, doesn't matter your grief, you gotta live your life.
Apparently his doctor talked to him about his grief/depression and suggested that he "get out there." So one of his sons set him up on the facebook and, unbeknownst to us until last night, also made a dating profile for him.
He's gotten messages from multiple women, they even send him photos and he has responded. He said he'll travel a bit to meet someone but of course, would like someone near his home. He only implied it because there were women at the table but it appears that he still has IT and still wants to use IT. (if it has to be in my brain, it has to be in yours. lol) I don't think he's looking for long-term, just for companionship.
He's looking for someone 55 - 65 years old. When we were incredulous at that, he laughed and said "Well, I don't mind getting hurt. I don't want to DIE." I laughed at first and then realized that's actually kind of a great way to look at it.
So to go along with the deal with your shit quest, we have added a...I'm not sure how to phrase it...A live at all costs mindset. Doesn't matter your age, doesn't matter your grief, you gotta live your life.
11 September 2019
08 September 2019
His Wife Died?
I've mentioned quite a few times about being raised about wolves.
Well, my mom called today. We hadn't talked (not for any reason other than we're not close) for almost a month.
"I'm calling to let you know before someone else does that Mike's wife died..."
Ummmmm...
Mike is my ex-husband.
There's a few things to discuss here:
My EX-husband. Whom I have a permanent restraining order against. The one who was awful to me in all the ways a person can be awful. Who I was married to thirty years ago.
I've never met his wife.
"Before someone else does...." What does that mean, even? She elaborates, later in the conversation: "I just didn't want you to get blindsided by someone on the street."
Wut.
I looked at the obituary while she was talking. It sounds like she was really sick. It says they were married since 1999, and surprise to me: his sister died three years ago. This actually does make me sad.
But I'm not sure what sort of feelings she expected me to have. *shrug*
I mean, it is sad that he lost his wife. But it affects me....looking around...not at all?
Am I supposed to send a card? Go to the funeral? I legally cannot do either of those, really.
And this is a prime example of my family. You're welcome to puzzle it out.
Well, my mom called today. We hadn't talked (not for any reason other than we're not close) for almost a month.
"I'm calling to let you know before someone else does that Mike's wife died..."
Ummmmm...
Mike is my ex-husband.
There's a few things to discuss here:
My EX-husband. Whom I have a permanent restraining order against. The one who was awful to me in all the ways a person can be awful. Who I was married to thirty years ago.
I've never met his wife.
"Before someone else does...." What does that mean, even? She elaborates, later in the conversation: "I just didn't want you to get blindsided by someone on the street."
Wut.
I looked at the obituary while she was talking. It sounds like she was really sick. It says they were married since 1999, and surprise to me: his sister died three years ago. This actually does make me sad.
But I'm not sure what sort of feelings she expected me to have. *shrug*
I mean, it is sad that he lost his wife. But it affects me....looking around...not at all?
Am I supposed to send a card? Go to the funeral? I legally cannot do either of those, really.
And this is a prime example of my family. You're welcome to puzzle it out.
06 September 2019
Dream Realized. Then I Broke A Lamp
Monday was the New Term in-service day for my job. I realized that this is my third one already. I still vividly remember my first one because it was so awkward. I didn't know a SOUL yet everyone knew me because my position was new and widely welcomed. It was very strange and disconcerting, like those dreams where you show up nakey at school.
Now I know most everyone and don't feel like the odd man out. My position is permanent and I'm no longer the "new one." I can't believe this is my third school term already.
While I was daydreaming (because: meeting) I was thinking of the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. Like you do.
The very end of the movie (spoiler alert) the friend points out to the protagonist that she had received everything she wished for, just not in the form that she had imagined. She had a family and a home, there was a wedding, and she had seemingly found her happy-ever-after.
That day I found myself sitting at a table with friends, comfortable in my space, and mostly content. As this occurred to me, I was thought about my mindset when I stopped working a few years ago. What did I wish for then?
I wanted a permanent job that I could work until I am done working. A federal/state agency is the place to do that. (check)
I wanted a low-key job that wasn't stressful. (check)
I wanted a quiet workspace, didn't care if it was the size of a closet. It took two school terms but I have it.
I wanted a drama-free zone and mostly have it. I mean, I still work with humans so there is always going to be some form of drama but these folks are about as easy as anyone is going to get. And this is not considering SusyLoudPants, who is ALSO moving to another office, in another building. Thank you tiny little sweet 8 lb 6 oz baby jesus.
So, I got my wish. Not in the way that I imagined it or on the timeline I hoped for. But I got it.
I am moved into my new office now and it is wonderful and not closet sized. It's already mostly settled and decorated because I use my issues for good. My favorite coworkers are still nearby and I am without a supervisor for this term.
This morning I helped conduct interviews so that was a bigger responsibility. Yesterday I was the IT person for setting up work spaces. Finally this quiet little job is starting to look more like originally advertised.
And then I broke a lamp.
I hate, hate, hate overhead lighting. So lamps were one of the first things that I addressed. I went to the wally world because I didn't want to mess with the second hand stores. I found two lamps on sale and returned to my office.
This is where I tell you that I keep forgetting that the truck has leather seats. You can probably predict what happened. I opened the door and in slow (but not surprising) motion, one of the lamps fell onto the asphalt. It shattered, rendering it useless. Well done, me. I scooped it into the bag, took the surviving lamp into my office, then returned to doing interviews.
My stubbornness kicked in somewhere along the way so I went back to the wally wrold, bough the LAST remaining lamp of that style. I very gingerly put it into the truck then very gingerly carried into my office. Then I hooked them both up and tried to continue my day.
This is where it occurred to me that I could maybe still use the lamp. I went back out to the truck and retrieved the broken pieces. It made me grateful that my A.D.D. brain hadn't thrown it in the dumpster. Instead A.D.D thought it was a good idea to put a plastic bag full of broken glass on the floor.
But I thought about it and did walk over to the dumpster. Originally just to toss the broken glass but there were still shards protruding from the base. This is where I tell you that I had just told my friend about a company in Seattle where you can pay to BREAK THINGS. And how much that I really, really want to do that.
Well, on a smaller scale: mission accomplished. I took the lamp and bashed it on the edge of the dumpster until the shards fell away. Now it was safe. I took it inside and tucked it behind the monitor where it still functions, if not a little ugly.
This is where it gets funny, to me. Exhibit A:
Moral of the story is that leather seats are challenging, gravity exists, and perseverance is a good thing. And breaking things can be fun.
Now I know most everyone and don't feel like the odd man out. My position is permanent and I'm no longer the "new one." I can't believe this is my third school term already.
While I was daydreaming (because: meeting) I was thinking of the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. Like you do.
The very end of the movie (spoiler alert) the friend points out to the protagonist that she had received everything she wished for, just not in the form that she had imagined. She had a family and a home, there was a wedding, and she had seemingly found her happy-ever-after.
That day I found myself sitting at a table with friends, comfortable in my space, and mostly content. As this occurred to me, I was thought about my mindset when I stopped working a few years ago. What did I wish for then?
I wanted a permanent job that I could work until I am done working. A federal/state agency is the place to do that. (check)
I wanted a low-key job that wasn't stressful. (check)
I wanted a quiet workspace, didn't care if it was the size of a closet. It took two school terms but I have it.
I wanted a drama-free zone and mostly have it. I mean, I still work with humans so there is always going to be some form of drama but these folks are about as easy as anyone is going to get. And this is not considering SusyLoudPants, who is ALSO moving to another office, in another building. Thank you tiny little sweet 8 lb 6 oz baby jesus.
So, I got my wish. Not in the way that I imagined it or on the timeline I hoped for. But I got it.
I am moved into my new office now and it is wonderful and not closet sized. It's already mostly settled and decorated because I use my issues for good. My favorite coworkers are still nearby and I am without a supervisor for this term.
This morning I helped conduct interviews so that was a bigger responsibility. Yesterday I was the IT person for setting up work spaces. Finally this quiet little job is starting to look more like originally advertised.
And then I broke a lamp.
I hate, hate, hate overhead lighting. So lamps were one of the first things that I addressed. I went to the wally world because I didn't want to mess with the second hand stores. I found two lamps on sale and returned to my office.
This is where I tell you that I keep forgetting that the truck has leather seats. You can probably predict what happened. I opened the door and in slow (but not surprising) motion, one of the lamps fell onto the asphalt. It shattered, rendering it useless. Well done, me. I scooped it into the bag, took the surviving lamp into my office, then returned to doing interviews.
My stubbornness kicked in somewhere along the way so I went back to the wally wrold, bough the LAST remaining lamp of that style. I very gingerly put it into the truck then very gingerly carried into my office. Then I hooked them both up and tried to continue my day.
This is where it occurred to me that I could maybe still use the lamp. I went back out to the truck and retrieved the broken pieces. It made me grateful that my A.D.D. brain hadn't thrown it in the dumpster. Instead A.D.D thought it was a good idea to put a plastic bag full of broken glass on the floor.
But I thought about it and did walk over to the dumpster. Originally just to toss the broken glass but there were still shards protruding from the base. This is where I tell you that I had just told my friend about a company in Seattle where you can pay to BREAK THINGS. And how much that I really, really want to do that.
Well, on a smaller scale: mission accomplished. I took the lamp and bashed it on the edge of the dumpster until the shards fell away. Now it was safe. I took it inside and tucked it behind the monitor where it still functions, if not a little ugly.
This is where it gets funny, to me. Exhibit A:
 |
| Because of the lack of shade, the plant suddenly is menacing (it's not as bad, in real) |
 |
| See? with the shades it's lovely and not at all a horror show. And yes, A.D.D. thought that leaving the chair in the way was a great idea. |
04 September 2019
Three Shirts and an Attitude
Lucy is our third dog. The other two were bigger dogs and were remarkably low maintenance.
About six...maybe nine...months ago, she had a potty accident in the house. This is super unlike her so we knew something was happening. Another accident and a sleepless night due to whining later, I took her to the vet.
With apologies for the yuckiness, her anal glands had gotten infected. Unlike our other dogs, this issue - we will refer to it as - needs addressing on a regular basis. I've had to take her once since then, otherwise she's been fine. It turns out that it happens more to smaller dogs and we just need to take her into the vet on the regular. But she's been fine.
Until this weekend.
About a week ago, she acted strangely and insisted that she needed to sleep with us. Kevin gave in and let her. She slept at the foot of the bed and was a good girl. I read on the facebook the next day that other people's animals were also acting up. Perhaps it was the moon, pending earthquake, or whatever.
She was fine for a few days. Then she wanted to sleep in the people bed again. We told her no and she whined in her crate a bit but went to sleep.
Then on Sunday she wasn't herself again. But she caught a snake. I hate snakes so Hell.to.the.No but I praised her for getting it. When I did, she whined because her bum was bothering her again. (It was a gardener snake so I wasn't worried that she was bitten.)
That night she insisted that she sleep with us again and Kevin let her because she was so unhappy. Now I was unhappy too. I knew I'd have to take the morning off to take her to the vet and I knew I wasn't going to sleep well.
And I didn't. She started at the foot of the bed, then crawled in between us. I woke up at midnight because she was pushing against my back as if to say "Go sleep on the couch." I moved her back down the foot of her bed and went back to sleep.
I woke up about three o'clock and something wasn't right. Someone was breathing in my ear and it wasn't Kevin. My brain doesn't work very well when I'm tired so it took me longer than it should have to realize that I also had a paw on my shoulder.
I was being spooned by the dog. Oh. No. This is not happening. Her head was on the pillow, like a people.
I got up and moved her back down to the bottom of the bed. She fussed a little and woke Kevin. I reminded her that she is not a people and stay. Then I went back to sleep for about an hour until Kevin's alarm went off. I tried to go back to sleep after he left but I was so tired that I couldn't sleep. Finally, I texted work that I would be late, and got ready for the day.
This is where I say that I detailed my truck the day before. We didn't think to have Kevin take my truck instead because it's five in the morning and I haven't slept well.
Lucy and I head out and I am grumpy. I'm rarely, truly grumpy and yesterday was an entire mood. I stopped to get a coffee and hoped it would improve my mood. It did not.
We went to the vet, got her taken care of, and I returned home. Lucy felt better and I was still just pissy. I let her run around while I vacuumed and wiped down the truck AGAIN. It has black interior and it shows everything. Dog hair, dog treat on the seat and carpet, nose prints on the dash and window. And yes, the OCD was at full-strength. And I'm still a mood.
I changed clothes for the same reason as above. Dog hair and annoyance isn't a good look.
Arrived at work to discover that they are finally moving offices...tomorrow. So I packed up my desk and computer then helped pack the rest of the office. Now, again for the second time That Day, I am a hot mess. I kept telling myself that I am going to have a new office so my mood was better. But packing and moving was not on my to-do list. And: packing and moving.
I finally got home and Lucy was happy. She'd forgotten everything that had happened and was back to her normal self. Yea for her!! Where's the couch? for me. Kevin phoned to let me know he was on his way home shortly after I got home and I was all "Wait, what?"
I'd forgotten that I'd worked late and more importantly, forgotten that it was Taco Tuesday.
As I went to clean up the hot mess situation, I spilled down the front of my shirt. Because of course. I'm on shirt #2 now.
Kevin gets home and everything is starting to sort out. Tacos make everything better.
Here's the thing with tacos though. They seem to require every.single.dogblessed.dish in the house. And of course I soak my shirt while doing dishes. Of course.
Now I'm on Shirt #3 and it's not even 7:00 p.m.
We went to bed early and Lucy went into her crate without a fuss. I slept all night and even went to sleep again after Kevin left.
I've only needed one shirt today.
About six...maybe nine...months ago, she had a potty accident in the house. This is super unlike her so we knew something was happening. Another accident and a sleepless night due to whining later, I took her to the vet.
With apologies for the yuckiness, her anal glands had gotten infected. Unlike our other dogs, this issue - we will refer to it as - needs addressing on a regular basis. I've had to take her once since then, otherwise she's been fine. It turns out that it happens more to smaller dogs and we just need to take her into the vet on the regular. But she's been fine.
Until this weekend.
About a week ago, she acted strangely and insisted that she needed to sleep with us. Kevin gave in and let her. She slept at the foot of the bed and was a good girl. I read on the facebook the next day that other people's animals were also acting up. Perhaps it was the moon, pending earthquake, or whatever.
She was fine for a few days. Then she wanted to sleep in the people bed again. We told her no and she whined in her crate a bit but went to sleep.
Then on Sunday she wasn't herself again. But she caught a snake. I hate snakes so Hell.to.the.No but I praised her for getting it. When I did, she whined because her bum was bothering her again. (It was a gardener snake so I wasn't worried that she was bitten.)
That night she insisted that she sleep with us again and Kevin let her because she was so unhappy. Now I was unhappy too. I knew I'd have to take the morning off to take her to the vet and I knew I wasn't going to sleep well.
And I didn't. She started at the foot of the bed, then crawled in between us. I woke up at midnight because she was pushing against my back as if to say "Go sleep on the couch." I moved her back down the foot of her bed and went back to sleep.
I woke up about three o'clock and something wasn't right. Someone was breathing in my ear and it wasn't Kevin. My brain doesn't work very well when I'm tired so it took me longer than it should have to realize that I also had a paw on my shoulder.
I was being spooned by the dog. Oh. No. This is not happening. Her head was on the pillow, like a people.
I got up and moved her back down to the bottom of the bed. She fussed a little and woke Kevin. I reminded her that she is not a people and stay. Then I went back to sleep for about an hour until Kevin's alarm went off. I tried to go back to sleep after he left but I was so tired that I couldn't sleep. Finally, I texted work that I would be late, and got ready for the day.
This is where I say that I detailed my truck the day before. We didn't think to have Kevin take my truck instead because it's five in the morning and I haven't slept well.
Lucy and I head out and I am grumpy. I'm rarely, truly grumpy and yesterday was an entire mood. I stopped to get a coffee and hoped it would improve my mood. It did not.
We went to the vet, got her taken care of, and I returned home. Lucy felt better and I was still just pissy. I let her run around while I vacuumed and wiped down the truck AGAIN. It has black interior and it shows everything. Dog hair, dog treat on the seat and carpet, nose prints on the dash and window. And yes, the OCD was at full-strength. And I'm still a mood.
I changed clothes for the same reason as above. Dog hair and annoyance isn't a good look.
Arrived at work to discover that they are finally moving offices...tomorrow. So I packed up my desk and computer then helped pack the rest of the office. Now, again for the second time That Day, I am a hot mess. I kept telling myself that I am going to have a new office so my mood was better. But packing and moving was not on my to-do list. And: packing and moving.
I finally got home and Lucy was happy. She'd forgotten everything that had happened and was back to her normal self. Yea for her!! Where's the couch? for me. Kevin phoned to let me know he was on his way home shortly after I got home and I was all "Wait, what?"
I'd forgotten that I'd worked late and more importantly, forgotten that it was Taco Tuesday.
As I went to clean up the hot mess situation, I spilled down the front of my shirt. Because of course. I'm on shirt #2 now.
Kevin gets home and everything is starting to sort out. Tacos make everything better.
Here's the thing with tacos though. They seem to require every.single.dogblessed.dish in the house. And of course I soak my shirt while doing dishes. Of course.
Now I'm on Shirt #3 and it's not even 7:00 p.m.
We went to bed early and Lucy went into her crate without a fuss. I slept all night and even went to sleep again after Kevin left.
I've only needed one shirt today.
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