Do You Have Your Eyes?

 As I write this, I'm looking through brand new glasses.  Anyone who has worn glasses for a long time will understand what I'm about to say: 

I.Can.SEE.

OMG

No. Seriously.  I can see, like, all.the.things.

I waited way too long to get new glasses.  Partially because of The End Times and partially because I just kept dragging my feet.  It's not like it's difficult, separate of the whole Covid thing, or that I hate it.  It's perfectly normal for me; something I've done since I was a baby.

Unfortunately, I require a glasses change every year.  Every year for all of my life, like clockwork.  If I'm being honest, it's actually about every six-to-nine months.  I can usually tell because I begin to bump into things, spill, trip, etc.  Well, more than is usual for me.  

And if we cast our mind back a few weeks: I fell.  I've tripped, stumbled, all of the things that can happen when you don't have adequate eyesight.

PAUSE

Okay, I haven't ranted about my brother-in-law for a minute.  He just got home.  Wanna know how I know?  Because he has his car stereo cranked so loud that while I can't hear the actual SONG, I can hear the *thump* *thump* *thump*   I can hear him through a wall, through a garage and another house and about an acres worth of property.  And over the radio playing throughout my house. He's SIXTY. Hair bands. 'Nuff said. *throwing of hands*

PLAY

If you remember about a week ago, I found my childhood glasses.  Surprisingly to me, I discovered that I could read really well with them.  I knew that my sight had failed because I HADN'T been reading.  (tech tip for parents: if your kid likes to read then stops? get their eyes tested)  

But I was surprised at how WELL I could see.  I couldn't do anything else with them on because HOLY COKE BOTTLE GLASSES Batman. I could read or be flat on my back, those were my options.  This is disappointing, because as previously mentioned: I really like those glasses, even some forty-cough years later.  However, there are similar frames available on the interwebs.

Now in a zippy twist: I need READING GLASSES because my prescription can't be balanced enough to prevent me from walking into walls AND reading AND being able to safely negotiate the freeway all in one frame. This has been a swift kick to my ego. 

I already have trifocals.  Yep.  Since I'm thirty-years-old.  My ego is not very prominent in most things I think about; but trifocals at 30 was a kick in the shins, for real though.  And now: reading glasses.

Let's count: regular every day glasses, prescription sunglasses, and now reading glasses.  You know those chains grandma's wear to keep their glasses?  I would need THREE OF THEM. At one point I tried "computer glasses" but those were a no for me, dawg.  It wasn't worth the hassle when I could just adjust the screen settings instead.

As if that isn't enough, I have cataracts. (I'm 51 years old, diagnosed last year)   Not enough to do anything about it just yet, other than I can't drive at night.  It hasn't been enough that I've felt compelled to have surgery. 

I'm not afraid of the surgery per se.  I have concern that if something were to happen to one of my eyes, I would then be legally blind.  You see...pun intended because it's fun...my right eye is mostly decorative.  It functions but if I were to have to rely on it solely, it would not be great.

The other thing is that I will develop macular degeneration as it runs strong in my family. The odds are good that treatments and medicine will keep it at bay for longer than would have been for my mom, grandmother and great grandmother. (and all the aunts)  But any sort of trauma to the eye is something I avoid.

So what's my deal?  When I was born, I was deprived of oxygen.  Because it was the sixties and I was raised by wolves, who knows what was effected.  I had very "walk it off, rub some dirt in it" parents. We know now that I have an alphabet soup brain, full of A.D.D. and O.C.D. and learning disabilities and sensory issues.

It was discovered at six-months-old that I had lazy eyes; meaning my eyes were unable to track codependently or independently. (crossed and/or wandered) So at one-year-old, I had my first pair of glasses.  At eighteen months, I had my first eye surgery to correct one eye.  At four, I had the surgery on the second eye. I had eye patches, drops, and all forms of glasses. I don't remember not needing glasses of some sort, like, ever.  

There was a tiny period of time where I could maneuver without them with just a little hinderance. Then while learning how to drive, it was discovered that my depth perception is affected.  Because of my upbringing, I don't know why I didn't know this but it was brand new info.  Seems important but whatevs.  

Suddenly with that information, everything made sense.  That's why I spill when pouring things, that's why I'm clumsy, that's why I couldn't see 3D comics, that's why I got dizzy super easily. (I hated gymnastics SO MUCH in elementary P.E.  This is why, it turns out)   Even with glasses, all of these things still exist, just to a lesser extent.

I tried contacts for a little while and here is the problem with that.  Well, two.  I just don't have the attention span for them.  I literally went into Canada before realizing that I didn't have one lens.  I would forget to take them out or put them in.  It was just not for me.  Then because the universe thinks it's funny, contacts don't provide the control needed to keep my eyes from crossing.  It is difficult to maintain a professional image when your eyes are wandering freely about your head.

And I just felt naked without glasses.  I would equate the feeling to suddenly shaving your head.  

Anyway, now I have new glasses again.  I chose plastic frames because I am just too much for wire frames; even though I keep insisting on trying.  I chose what Kevin calls Naughty Librarian frames this time.  For my sunglasses I chose a frame that I've been coveting for about a year now.  An advocate has them for her regular glasses and I was obsessed. 

Top pair is what I'd hoped for reading glasses and bottom pair are sunglasses

I tried to get similar frames for my reading glasses but the company says they won't work for reading glasses.  Now I've ordered frames like my childhood ones.  I consider this a win and not a disappointment.

Ordering online has been really successful for me. I use zenni optical. I had to send a pair back only once, not anyone's fault, they just wouldn't work with my vision. They were absolutely lovely about it. The only disappointment I have is no immediate gratification.  

If I can, I like to support local businesses but my insurance only pays for 75% of my LENSES and not at all for the frames when ordering local. It's just an expense that I can't justify when I can order multiple pairs online and still not spend my limit.

I do miss having someone help choose frames though. Kevin is useless in helping.  In the past, I have chosen frames that once I received them was all "Meh, not a fan" but I wore them anyway.  It's taken me a while to get in the "Oh, I can have multiple pairs of the same prescription" headspace.  

Right now I have my old glasses in my truck, just in case something goes wrong.  I have an older prescription next to the bed so it doesn't matter if I fall asleep with them on. (and it doesn't matter that they're not strong enough because just watching television)  My point is I've finally reached the old lady point of my life where I have glasses in every room.  And now I'll have reading glasses to add to Things to Keep Track Of.  

                                                    Me at two, going on three years old