It's 8:30 in the morning on Friday as I begin this bloggity post. I'm finishing a training I was supposed to do earlier this week. To be honest, I absolutely forgot about it. Luckily it's online because the End Times but the links expire today so I'm adding a little bit of urgency to my day.
And, yes, I am writing while I'm "training". I'd like to introduce you to High School Surely. You'll also know that the radio is playing in the background. If we could MRI my brain right now, I'm certain it would look like Independence Day.
Anyway.
I set up a grocery order for the parents on Monday, to be picked up on Tuesday. I didn't hear anything from them about it so I threw the list away and didn't think about it again.
Last night, Kevin mentions that when he phoned his mom to check in, they were going to the grocery store. Kevin admits that he got a little frustrated and vocal with her. I was in solidarity with him because, like, WHY?
His mother reports that "We didn't get half of our groceries!" and "They sent the wrong things!" and "It's happened the last few times!!!"
Well, color me surprised because have they mentioned this to us? That would be negative, ghost rider.
DEEP BREATH
Kevin wondered if I still had their shopping list. Luckily, I had just tossed it in the trash after it sat on the counter for a few days. I fished it back out of the trash and reviewed it.
His mom reports that they asked for MILK and they sent TWO CHOCOLATE MILKS. The outrage.
Let's go to the list:
On this list, she wrote "No Sub" which means no substitutions, which is good. But when you write that and I enter that, it means you're not getting what you ordered if it's not available. Huh.
PAUSE
Yes, they're in their eighties. Yes, they were poor a large part of their lives, and still have poor eating habits. It's horrifying sometimes. It's challenging to do these orders sometimes, knowing that there is no food in the food they eat.
PLAY
I showed Kevin where she had specifically ordered chocolate milk. "Well, show her tomorrow. Explain that to her." SUPER. That's exactly what I hoped to be doing tomorrow.
He then mentioned that she was mad they didn't have SPAM. (I know, I told you) I explained that I noticed that staples were starting to get difficult to get again. And that maybe SPAM is a staple? He just looked at me and deadpanned stated "I will go outside and graze on the lawn before I eat SPAM." Okay, good tip.
Kevin reiterated that his mother complained that they hadn't gotten "half of their order." the last few times. This is where I remembered that I can search their purchase history. I went into the office and looked up their account. Well, look at that. Melodrama. Hyperbole.
To be fair:
They did get SPAM, BUT they got Lite SPAM. Of which, how is that even a thing?
They DID have substitutions. However, Kroger tends to get the next size larger if something isn't available and that is what appears to have happened. Specifically: laundry detergent and popcorn.
They legit did not get coffee in one of their orders. Sometimes things just aren't available and I think that's difficult for them to grasp a little bit
The two orders previous to these last two orders were 100% complete. Hmm, we have a mystery on our hands, Scooby Doo.
When I order, I get texts that there are sometimes substitutions. Not always but most times. This option is not set up for them because they don't have the app and I don't need that drama in my life.
The store DOES review your order upon pickup. You actually have to agree to substitutions. My guess is that my f-i-l agrees without understanding (my favorite) and then SURPRISE! Your order is different.
My job today is to walk over and determine what exactly the problem is. I'm certain this will go well. *shaking my head*
FAST FORWARD
I have a headache. I need to start drinking again. You think you know. You don't even.
Masked up, list in hand, deep breaths as I walked over there. I admit I was a little bit spoiling for a fight.
They're both watching television so this is good. I begin with my father-in-law: "Do they review your order when you pick it up? They usually tell you when there are changes."
"Yes. They do." he says, a little spiky. "I don't pay attention so it's probably my fault." This should make me feel better. IT DOESN'T. He just continues to look at me, unblinking. No apology, no explanation to his wife. Nothing.
SERIOUSLY.
Then I turn my attention to the mother-in-law. "There's the problem then, you guys have to compare what the list says to what you get."
"But I KNOW what I ordered and I didn't get it." Tiny bit of snotty and pouting from her.
*taking out my earrings, taking off my watch, ready to throw hands*
I held out the list, gesturing. The list that also now has blue post-its on it from my grocery order sleuthing. "This says that you got everything you ordered on the last order except a cleaner"
"I GOT the cleaner!!" she exclaims. Okay, well there we go. It was probably from an order a few weeks ago and she thinks it's this order. Moving on.
I handed her the list and stepped back. "I didn't order chocolate milk" she says, looking at the list.
"It says right there: two quarts of chocolate milk. Followed by hot chocolate mix, so I just assumed you were having a party." trying to lighten the situation, unsuccessfully. She will not concede. So I'm in it at this point and continue:
"You said you didn't get SPAM. You did, you just got the Lite SPAM."
"I ordered TWO CANS."
FML at this point. I'm literally telling myself to just leave, screaming in my head.
"Okay. Here's the deal: I am going to order exactly what you write down. So you're going to get what you write down, within reason." "You" I said, turning to my f-i-l "Need to tell her when there are changes." Neither of them respond. "I can only do so much, you guys have to figure it out."
YOU THINK I AM DONE. I AM SO NOT DONE.
We found out this morning that my m-i-l bought a smart phone on the shopping channel.
I just...can't...
Apparently she told the brother that she bought a phone. The brother told Kevin this morning. Then during his check-in call with his mother, she tells Kevin that she needed MY help "Sending something back."
Kevin - having zero effs and pulling no punches - "You mean the phone you ordered without talking to anyone about?"
"It's a really nice phone!" she says. "I just wanted to try it."
So, sigh. Context: when she picks up her phone she grabs the power button on the side and can't turn the phone back on to answer it. Kevin has explained to her eleventy times that she needs to pick up the phone from the bottom so she doesn't turn it off. Kevin knows this tip because he struggled with the same thing when he got his new phone. BUT, to her, this means that the phone is broken and she needs a new one.
She ordered it off the television for $50, she says. She ordered a cheap pay-as-you go phone that you would find at discount stores, convenience store counters. Upon research because hello hi, it's me, I find that it is $73 plus tax, shipping, and handling or $16 for five months.
This also means her intention was to just pay for her own phone service and not tell anyone. PLUS keep her other phone because she didn't want to get rid of it. "It's a nice phone!" The phone we just bought her and paid for and pay for the service and internet.
And: drink.
Back to the discussion with the parents. I said "Kevin said you have a return you need help with."
"Yes, it's on the table. Everything is right there." No elaboration.
I picked up the receipt and saw the return label. "Okay, this looks easy. I will do it when I go into town." She says thank you...no elaboration.
Flipping open the flap of the box. "Oh, it's a cheap phone. I see why you want to send it back." She gets flustered and I continue "This is the free phone that low-income folks get from the state. They are a pay-as-you-go phone that is absolute junk. That's why they can give them away."
She continues to fluster. I straight up interrupted her, which I normally don't do but I was so beyond over it. Picking up the box, I said into the ether "I will take this today, it looks easy to return. And we're not talking about why you ordered a phone without talking to anyone."
My f-i-l is mute at this point. I can see the m-i-l is upset so I joked "Now that I've pissed you off, I'm just going to go..." and chuckled.
"SURELY" she exclaims. If she knew my middle name, I think she would have used it. I just continued to laugh - because the option was primal screaming - and slid the door closed.
There are just not enough expletives some days.
1 comment:
This is exactly the Friday night entertainment I didn't know I needed.
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