02 January 2009

It's Not About Me

Remember that scene in Grosse Point Blank where Martin walks into the radio station the first time? He leaves after a minute and Debbie says "Someone has reappeared from the past...what is this that I'm feeling? Pain? Panic? Pleasure? Hungry? Who's hungry?"

Years ago I lost a friend. It was drama-filled and probably a good thing at the time. But it left me heartbroken. I don't do unresolved relationships well and it's bothered me for oh, forever.

Now, with the magic of the holidays, this friend has reappeared rather quietly, calmly and offering a hand of friendship. Just what I've wanted. Yet I am still tentative. There's no anger there, no hurt anymore. It's just the risk, I guess.

In response to the question "How are things?" I replied "Everything is different yet nothing has changed." It's been six years? seven? Life has been a roller-coaster while we weren't friends. They missed so much. If I start to sum it up, I get overwhelmed.

Kevin was diagnosed with Graves Disease in 2004, we could have lost him. It took radiation treatment to get him back.
Numerous aunts, uncles, & friends have died
Bruce had a stroke but is better now. He's retired and sold the racecar because he couldn't drive it anymore.
Kevin's parents live next door now, as does the nephew.
I'm a great aunt now.
The nephew went down the wrong path but seems to be turning it around. He was just dignosed with Crohns Disease.
My family is the same but Dad has terminal cancer that they're keeping at bay.
We blew up in 2007 so no more fireworks.
I rolled my truck in February...I can check that off my list now.
We raced in Vegas at the PSCA race. Chevelle runs 9-teens at 149 mph, 1.34 60',
still on stock suspension. We bought Bruce's truck & car trailer.
"D" went to jail for almost two years for heinous crimes that made the news. We're not friends any more.
We live in a new house. It's *tight* as my nephew would say.
We have Missy Jo Dawg, I don't think you ever met her.
I don't work at the school anymore. I took
off a year & now I'm at the YWCA at the worlds easiest job, ever.
I wrote a book, working on another, and write this blog.
With the exception of drinking BFF D under the table on NYE, (poor choice!) I don't drink anymore.
D married Wayne.

The list goes on and on. It's like a Soap Opera. I feel like Erika Cane, less the 14 marriages.

But this is life, this stuff happens to everyone. And this list is all about me. So, I question myself: do I want to be friends again or is it just "I missed you and needed you and look at all what happened?" It can't be all about me. That's not friendship. That's selfish.

I will be their Facebook friend. That's one of the great things about Facebook: the finding of old friends. I will celebrate their return and not make it all about me. They were brave enough to contact me, I can be brave enough to grow & change and be a friend.

And because the universe is so funny, today I got this email quote:

Forgiving is not forgetting; it's actually remembering - remembering and not using your right to hit back. It's a second chance for a new beginning. And the remembering part is particularly important.
Especially if you don't want to repeat what happened.
Desmond Tutu

2 comments:

Dynamita said...

This has happened to me via Facebook several times.

I think it's sort of strange that I have not known anything about these people for YEARS, and yet we feel compelled to tell each other every single aspect of our private life just because once, many many moons ago, we USED TO tell each other everything.

It's interesting to see myself as I was back then, and try to put into a short conversation all the things that have happened and changed in my life.

But it's true that I am not sure I want to stay friends with most of them. I guess that is part of the magic of facebook!

Not Your Aunt B said...

Don't you love FB? The only thing you can hope is that they've become better at being a friend since the last time. I think back to how I was back then (eek!) and now (phew!) so maybe this go round it'll work. Of course, from personal experience, some people never change from high school or college. That's what the lovely "ignore" button is for!