This is Next Level

On Friday, I had probably the worst day I've had in a long, long while.  I posted on social media about it, trying to make light and reframe the situation but no matter how I looked at it: it was just a really.bad.day.

Starting Tuesday, with thousands of others, I am out of work for six weeks. Longer if the pandemic escalates.  Not only home for six weeks but it is unclear how or if I will be paid.  I have sick leave and vacation to cover this but that's not how I want to play that out.

Then on the way home, my truck broke down while getting on the freeway.  I'm grateful that it happened while getting onto the freeway and not ON the freeway.  I could get the truck to a safe place to wait for Kevin to come rescue me.

Now the funny part because we need some happy up in here.

I had to pee when I left.  I figured it was less than 10 minutes to my house, it would be fine.

 
IT WAS NOT FINE. About 30 minutes after I left, I so, so, so had to pee.  Had.to.PEEEEEEEE.

I went through all the scenarios: whether or not I could walk somewhere (no, not safe) peeing myself (it's leather seats) considering googling how long before your kidneys explode, remembering when I was a small kid and my parents opening two doors on a four-door station wagon so I could pee and not be seen (parked too close to the guard rail and it's four-wheel drive, too high), peeing in the ditch. (there are Dept of Transportation cameras on all on-ramps)

 
When Kevin phoned to tell me he was minutes away, I told him I had to pee and it was becoming an emergency.  "Walk to the gas station" was strangely his first response. (he always says "Stay in the car until I come" if something like that happens.)  Then he said "Can't you just pee on the side of the road?"  I was all "UM, NO sir."

And then I HAD TO.  (it's okay to laugh, I was)   I was not going to pee in my truck.

I got out, hopped a big guard rail, walked down into a ditch where no one could see and peed. It was terrible and good at the same time. Terrible because I AM PEEING IN A DITCH ON THE SIDE OF THE FREEWAY and good because Holy Mother of GAWD I had to pee.

Oh, and guess who wore tights and her kicky boots to work.  THIS GIRL.  Guess what's not good to wear when you have to hike down into a ditch? Kicky boots.  Guess what's not easy when you have to pee outside? TIGHTS.  Or Either of THESE when you have to climb over a tall guard rail.

Seriously: FML Friday.  

AND OF COURSE, this is when Kevin pulls up and I'm in a ditch peeing.  OF COURSE.  Once he knew I wasn't dead, he laughed.

After I was done and sitting safely in a nice warm truck, I phoned my BFF and said  "I'm fine but super quick I have to tell you something that will make you laugh."  
"Okay..." they say, not quite believing me.  

"I HAD TO PEE IN THE DITCH."  

There was Stunned Silence then an intake of breath and then LAUGHTER.  "Of course you did." they say.  Nothing surprises my friends most days.  Although this is Next Level, even for me.

So, next time I have someone tell me that they've had a bad day, I am going to ask them one simple question: Did you have to pee in a ditch?