On This Father's Day

Father's Day is another unusual, awkward day for me/us. So, I try to reframe this day every year, with varying results.

Who were the father figures for me?

Obviously, Kev isn't a father.  My dad passed away ten years ago this coming August and we were not close at all.  Although he lived with us, he was absent a large portion of my childhood.

After my dad passed, my mom tried to continue the father's day tradition stating "Well, your brother is a father..."  Ummm, no.  And that's a little icky, mom, thanks.

And now we have Nephew, father of six and Like A Son to us.  But he's not Our Son and we have to be careful not to offend his SensitivePants father.

Funny, touching story. Off topic of course:
When Nephew's wife met his parents, she said she was puzzled as to where Nephew's personality and general being originated from.  Because she wasn't seeing it reflected in his parents.  A little while later, she met us.  She said it took a few minutes of time spent with us when she realized "Oh, THERE it is.  That's where he came from."  That makes me teary now, and it's been ten years.

Even though Nephew was not raised by a good dad, he has become a great dad.  I'm continually proud of who he has become.  Handling six kids from babyhood to teenagers like a master even though he didn't have many tools in his toolbox. Other than how Not To Be.

Other Nephew is also a good dad.  We just aren't as close to him.  As a dad to a teen gay son in a still judgey world, he's a freaking rock star.

My niece's fiance is a fantastic stepdad to my (dad's namesake) nephew.  He has stepped in and stepped up to fill shoes for this awesome little kid who deserves to have a daddy that will play legos, and go to pizza, and, and, and all the things dads are supposed to do.

My high school best friend's dad - who Kevin is just like - was a dad figure to me.  Funny. Loud. Brutally honest.

Then we get to Kevin's dad.  He has been my dad for almost thirty years.  He's the one that helps when we need it...and don't need it.  He's the one that brings over strawberries, watermelon, or dinner.  He's the one that helped Kevin build our deck, build my beautiful rock garden, fix anything that ever needs fixing...and somethings that don't.  He's the one that checked on me every single day for two months when I was on bedrest.

So, even though he does the murder-inducing not-whistling, and is the abuser of the English language on the regular, he's the man.  He's the lovable sitcom dad.  He has aged considerably over the last year.  A stroke will do that to you. And so will time.

Father's Day can be a complicated day for many of us.  Find the father's/father figures in your life and give them the shout out they have earned.