Big Conversations

I don't know what is up with the universe these days.  I think it's because we're feeling like we're living in end times right now.  And not in the "yea, we get to meet jesus way" but in a frogs are falling from the sky and I hear hoofbeats kind of way.

Not only have I had some really big effing conversations in the past month-ish, it seems so have others.  Or Big Conversations are pending.

Let's break it down into smaller, more manageable pieces. Not that the Universe is giving me that break.

Big Conversation Example #1:
Kevin and I have said emphatically that once things "change" with his parents, we're going to move.  We have talked about it more, now that the time has gotten closer, and we're slowing our roll a little bit. Because of the kids, mostly.  So, that's got a pin in it for now.  That has made me a little sad.

Big Conversation Example #2
What is going to happen when Kevin's mom passes?  As much as we'd love to have some sort of a plan, we don't.  We have no predictions as to how this is going to play out.  Is his dad going to die of a broken heart afterward or is he going to thrive because the pressure/burden is gone?  We don't know.  His brother already has issues, so how is this going to look with him?  We don't know but can go with probably terrible.

Big Conversation  Example #2 the Sequel
It's time to have the "Are you done?" conversation with Kevin's mom.  She is fighting every thing.  Fighting the food thing. Fighting taking care of herself.  Fighting taking her meds.  All of it.  It is begging the question of Are you fighting because you're done or because you no longer know any better?

Big Conversation Example #3
Not going into specifics but I made amends that were long overdue.  I'm still processing all that and don't know how it's going to play out.  It was totally worth it and I'm glad it happened.

Big Conversation Pending
My job role is changing, again.  I won't know anything about it until late June/July when I see my contract.  It's more responsibility and time is all I know.  I'm sitting in the Unknown is Worse than the Known space right now and I don't like it.

Big Conversation Started but Pending
We have to talk about ending an annual family event in my family.  My mom is losing her memory and her sight and has aged considerably in the last year or so.  But this event has gone on since before I was born so we don't know how it's going to play out.  My sister-in-law and I are going to broach the subject soon and I'm not looking forward to it.  Because it's probably not just about the party.

Big Conversation Among Friends
Recently the whole amends thing was a conversation with my friends and it dovetailed into being a conversation about being honest with our feelings versus stuffing them down into the deep dark place.  To make a long story short: my advice was to have the big conversation because to repeat myself: the unknown is so much worse than the known.

So now this takes us to but how? Believe it or not, I am on Team Avoidance most of the time.  Left to my own devices, I tend to just blunder in and to use a quote: sometimes almost literally "Build my parachute on the way down".  Also: big fan of stuffing things down into the deep, dark space. Big fan.

Part of a trauma stewardship conference I attended from work talked about setting intentions.  It's helped me think things through a little better. It's makes you think about "If, Then" in situations.  If *this*, then *what*.   (it's also called Second Step in Early Childhood Ed)  I tend to skip steps in being impulsive so while that can be fun, it can also be a LOT.

Things to consider:
What is the intention?  Is it to be helpful? honest? make amends? All of those?
Who is it going to effect and how?  Sometimes this is unpredictable.
What happens long-term afterward? This one is fun because we don't know most of the time and that's where the parachute comes into play.