Thirty One Years Ago

Thirty-one years ago, I was nineteen.  Looking at the photo below, one would assume that I had all my hopes and dreams ahead of me.  I did...and I didn't.  Sure, I was looking forward to the future but I knew that it most likely wasn't going to be what I hoped.

At this point, I already knew I'd gotten myself into a situation, if you will, but the aspect of staying home was more unappealing than what I was walking into.  Hooray for difficult childhoods! And really, this is me at my core: headfirst into things and building my parachute on the way down.

Now it's been thirty-one years ago, as of today.  It has reached a kind of surreal status.  I remember it but it's almost feels like someone else's life.  It's been nearly an entire lifetime, really.  There is really not a single thing the same as that period of time.  Different name, different husband and family, different hometown, different friends.  Different career. No church affiliation now. Completely different person.

Sure, there are things that I miss about that time. Mostly the fairy tale part of it.  The hopefulness of it. The fearlessness, oh how I wish I still had some of that!  My friends or rather, the interconnectedness of those friends. At that age, everyone is inseparable.  The rest of it though? Not so much.

It's one of those situations where everything happens for a reason and we don't get to know why.  Well, specifically this happened because 19 years old and felt powerless.  Other than that though. It was a fairy tale. Like those scary and graphic Grimm Brothers ones.