It's More of a Food Square

When I was a  really small child, I was allergic to many things. I grew out of most of them eventually as often happens with allergies.

But as I've aged, allergies are back and they've brought their friends; especially in the last ten years or so.  It used to be only eggs.  Now, eggs have friends on the list: apples (anaphylaxis, if you can believe that) honey, strawberries, and nearly all the antibiotics.

Eggs have been a constant though.  Depending on the form and the amount, it can be as inconvenient as eczema or as miserable as tummy trouble. I know I can have eggs about once a month and get a free pass. Kinda.  The allergy is to actual eggs, eggs IN things are fine. Because why be simple?

One of the funny things is that I never learned how to cook eggs. I couldn't eat them so why bother learning how?  Well, Kevin is why.  Kevin is not allergic to eggs.  He showed me how to scramble eggs early on in our relationship.  Then one day, embarrassingly not that long ago, I decided to learn how to fry an egg.  (I don't fry ANYTHING)  I set up the tablet in the kitchen with a youtube video and learned.

Then there's the stuff that I just can't eat hardly at all anymore. I don't know if it's allergic or age, or something else.  But it's namely red meat.  Sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I have a stomach ache and spend the evening berating myself for making stupid choices. Dairy is also on this list.  The only milk I drink is in mochas. Ice cream is rare and often regrettable. I seem to do okay with cheese. Thank you sweet, tiny baby jesus. But there is no logic, really.

And sometimes I'll eat something just because it sounds good and know that I'll suffer for it. Because I am a responsible adult who makes good decisions.

Friends and family have followed the Keto Plan and had success so I looked into it. It's like a Greatest Hits List of Things Surely Cannot Eat. Not all of it, of course, but enough that it's not worth the risk. All in all, I do pretty well anyway.  Vegetables are the most difficult thing to fit in there. Because: vegetables.

AND THEN, we have my family.  Red meat Everything.  Mayonnaise is a food group.  Every once in a while they will go on a "diet", and my hand to god, will order salads WITH STEAK because they are dieting.  They will make salmon but there is so much butter and salt on it that it is rendered fast food level unhealthy.  So I have had to opt out of a lot of meals.  This is met with just the tiniest bit of eye-rolling.  But then they don't accommodate for Nephew's Crohns so at least they are consistent.

 If you knew me back in the day, I subsisted on Mountain Dew or Coke  and McDonald's french fries. Snickers bars.  Happy Meals. Cereal. (and I weighed 100 lbs soaking wet. Life is cruel.)  It's irony that now I can have nearly none of that.  Maybe I just used up my lifetime supply in my early years.

Well, what can I eat now, you ask? Because that is a pretty decent list of Do Not Eat. I eat more fruit than before...effing bananas...and vegetables.  Although vegetables like from a deli tray - the only ones I really like - will mess a girl up too if I'm not careful.  I eat white meat: chicken and turkey.  Never pork, not for any god reason but I just have never been a fan.  I eat a lot of salmon, tuna, and cod.  Luna, KIND, and Clif bars are my savior. (eternally grateful to Swistle for that)

But then I couldn't figure it out.  I would eat fish and have tummy troubles.  I was starting to worry that one of my favorite things was also being added to the list.  Then I figured it out.  And I felt dumb. Really dumb.

It's an If/Then situation:
IF: Tartar Sauce, then:
IF: Mayonnaise, then:
Eggs

Sometimes, I shouldn't be allowed to make decisions.

The point being is I've had to really simplify what I eat.  Being a kind of picky eater, this ups the difficulty level a bit.  And I hate making food for myself. I'll make Kevin's lunch every workday morning but when it comes to making my own, I'm all NOPE.  I have no idea why this is.

The current solution is Kind/Luna/Lara/Clif bars and string cheese.  Sometimes I'll buy deli sandwiches but that seems wasteful.  The hated bananas.  Yogurt.  I need to think about making smoothies but I just sent the blender next door for the mother to (not) use.

Because I am the girl who will forget to eat, it has to be simple. Luckily I am absolutely sick of eating out so fast food rarely sounds good. There is no break room at my office, only a dorm fridge and microwave, with no sink.  Thus the simple lunches.

It's easily solved really: just don't eat.  Or hire a cook (that is really a dream of mine. Seriously)