Lawn Chairs and Stars

One of Kevin's all-time favorite movies is Tin Cup with Kevn Costner.  There is a part where the character is struggling and describes his movement as "like an unfolding lawn chair."

We've referred to that line a few times over the years, usually in reference to the racecar.

Everything feels janky and out of sync. Nothing seems to go smoothly. And/or things are just...off.

Kevin had to go to work this morning for a special project so I was able to sleep in for the first time in a bit.  I really needed it, not just the sleep but the rest; if you understand what I'm saying.  I needed to turn my brain off and do nothing for an extended period of time.

I didn't get up until almost 9:30, which is late even for me.  It just shows how much I needed it.  Even now though in the late afternoon, I feel like I could lay down to nap.  The plan was to have a few more hours to just be.

As a result of sleeping in, my self-imagined timetable is behind. Now Kevin was on his way home a little earlier than planned.  I hadn't showered, I hadn't taken Lucy to get treats and me coffee, and I hadn't even made eye-contact with overdue chores.

Firstly, Kevin doesn't care about my chores. He doesn't notice.  It's 100% self-imposed pressure.  As we learned from the taking a week to notice the mud room being painted experience, he's not the most observant guy who ever lived.  I could totally take advantage of this, if I were wired completely differently.

Anyway, I showered super fast, apologized to Lucy a thousand times, hastily made the bed and started a load of laundry before Kevin called to pick me up.  (we had plans with a friend to add to it)  Then we were gone for most of the day.  And we still have a birthday dinner later.  It's just one of those weekends/weeks/years.

Here's what is happening: we're in the most expensive part of the year, apart from the holidays.  The parents seem to be racing each other to the home/eternity, Kevin's brother is stressing him out, my work is starting to stress me out.  It's one of those times where everything feels unsettled.  Everything is unfinished.

We are an unfolding lawn chair.  

I used to work for a person who literally and actually went crazy while I worked for her.  She had a calendar that was created for her that used numerology and hocus pocus.  I remember it would be a tough day and she'd look at the calendar.  If it had a star, it meant that it was going to be a challenging day.  I feel like, right now, all the days have stars.

So, shiny side: chores are almost finished. I get to sleep in tomorrow. Annnnddd...that's about it.  The rest of it is up to time and out of my control. Not my favorite state of things.

I need to remember that fifteen minutes peace under the actual stars a few days ago.  And sit in said lawn chair.